Table of Contents
26 June 2017
I’d heard about the sandwich generation for a number of years before I started experiencing it myself. Unfortunately until you’re there you will not be able to fathom how it works. And, truthfully, even when you’re in it, you still wonder how the hell you are going to navigate it…especially if you want to do so with dignity.
So now that I’m in it what have I found? Below a brief list of some of the conclusions I’ve reached:
I’d heard about the sandwich generation for a number of years before I started experiencing it myself. Unfortunately until you’re there you will not be able to fathom how it works. And, truthfully, even when you’re in it, you still wonder how the hell you are going to navigate it…especially if you want to do so with dignity.
So now that I’m in it what have I found? Below a brief list of some of the conclusions I’ve reached:
- British and elderly is a terrible combination – what you’re dealing with is two of the worst attributes as single entities, but, when unified a potentially lethal combination. British people are inherently stubborn and never ever want to admit they need help. And the elderly behave in exactly the same way.
- The role reversal doesn’t happen overnight – as such you have no idea when/if it’s even started. You thus find yourself in a most bizarre situation in which you’re sort of waiting for someone to tell you to step up but there’s no one around to accept that role.
- There is no clear-cut role definition – unfortunately despite the fact that many people have encountered this transitional new phase no one seems to have the “answers” as to how to proceed. While there are tons of books written on raising teens, dating in the digital world, getting through the menopause, etc., there is very little material (and even less of conclusive solutions) on how to navigate these years.
- You’re facing a lose-lose – I guess that has been my most pertinent observation. No matter what you do, you’re going to feel guilty (which in and of itself is part of being British).
June 2006
According to the most stringent halachot, the following rules should be observed during the upcoming war. It should be noted however, that a proper halachic source should be consulted prior to the war to ensure laws are followed correctly and no mistakes made.
According to the most stringent halachot, the following rules should be observed during the upcoming war. It should be noted however, that a proper halachic source should be consulted prior to the war to ensure laws are followed correctly and no mistakes made.
- It is necessary to make a sealed room and don a gas mask as soon as the siren is sounded. In the Jerusalem area, there is an additional 18 minutes to enter and prepare the sealed room. Unwalled cities do not enjoy this privilege.
- 1(a). Sephardim (following the tradition of Shammai) do not hold by this stringency: most Sephardim believe it is sufficient to wear the gas mask only (do not read 'only' as devoid of other clothes: 'only' in this case is interpreted by most mepharshimas 'with other clothes but not sitting in a sealed room') without preparing a sealed room.
- For those that hold by the sealed room + gas mask stringency/chumreas dictated by Hillel, the following should be observed:
2(a). the plastic used to make the sealed room should be wrapped double (if meat and milk is to be used in the sealed room during the same sitting). If meat and milk is not used during the same sitting and the war is over before Pessach, some more lenient authorities hold that the plastic - especially given today's less than lucrative economy - should be used again to cover surfaces for Pesach. Again, this should be checked with one's Rabbi and is only valid in cases where to not use the expensive plastic bought and to buy extra material for Pesach would cause a financial strain. It is somewhat problematic to use the plastic again since there is the possibility of oxygen coming out of one's gas mask, having perhaps eaten some chametzand landing on the plastic inadvertently which would be an aveyra de'Rabbana
2(b). three layers of sellotape should also cover the entire wall by the window/door. - The black gas mask (note: blue ones are not allowed unless an emergency situation. In such a case, only males under the age of 13 would be permitted such usage) should fit neatly around the mouth and nose area. Women must also ensure their hair is tied back and a woman in niddahshould - to ensure no impurity is spread - wear a paper bag over the gas mask, covering the entire body. Alternatively, before entering the sealed room, to ensure prevention of the spreading of impurity, she can shoot herself. This would also save her from shooting her husband with whom she may not want to be in a sealed room.
- Any unmarried female over the age of 12 should not face any male over the age of 13 to prevent untoward advances when donning the gas mask as this could be construed by the male over 13 as a rather seductive move.
- When the siren indicates the emergency situation is over and the sealed room can be vacated, a shofar should be blown (or in the case of no shofar present, a male over 13 may blow his nose loudly in a shevarim-teruahbreak), maarivrecited, chicken soup drunk. At this point, and this point only is it halachicallypermitted to leave.
- Thus, only in the privacy of one's bathroom, once the emergency has been lifted may women remove their gas mask so as not to arouse any inappropriate feelings from their male counterparts while engaging in such a forbidden act.
19 June 2017
So I went shopping for a dress with the hubby the other day. I know. Already a mistake. Still, I thought it would be “bonding time.”
Although he called me on it: “You just want a ride to the stores don’t you?” he said.
“No,” I replied, “I thought we’d have a date,” I offered.
“No meat, no date. It’s dresses and coffee isn’t it?”
Okay so he was right but once we’d established my intentions we began our trip. First, I kindly suggested we “split” so that he could do his thing (aka go into computer/gadget stores) and I do mine. But after a while I requested we join forces again as I wanted his opinion.
“Does this look good on me?” I asked.
“Sure, why not?” he replied in his usual non-committal way.
“Are you sure?” I asked again, fishing… “I mean…”
“If you want to know if it makes you look thin then yes, and yes you always look thin,” he interjected, as if by rote.
“What?” I asked.
And then I thought about it. And I realized he was completely right. Whenever I go shopping and I ask my companion how I look I’m not wondering if the color suits me or the style is suitable for my persona. I’m asking one question and one question only: “Am I going to be the envy of all my friends coz of how thin I look?”
Well, now that we’ve established the truth on shopping for clothes, we can probably go back and be honest about the reason we drag our husbands/boyfriends out to a mall.
So I went shopping for a dress with the hubby the other day. I know. Already a mistake. Still, I thought it would be “bonding time.”
Although he called me on it: “You just want a ride to the stores don’t you?” he said.
“No,” I replied, “I thought we’d have a date,” I offered.
“No meat, no date. It’s dresses and coffee isn’t it?”
Okay so he was right but once we’d established my intentions we began our trip. First, I kindly suggested we “split” so that he could do his thing (aka go into computer/gadget stores) and I do mine. But after a while I requested we join forces again as I wanted his opinion.
“Does this look good on me?” I asked.
“Sure, why not?” he replied in his usual non-committal way.
“Are you sure?” I asked again, fishing… “I mean…”
“If you want to know if it makes you look thin then yes, and yes you always look thin,” he interjected, as if by rote.
“What?” I asked.
And then I thought about it. And I realized he was completely right. Whenever I go shopping and I ask my companion how I look I’m not wondering if the color suits me or the style is suitable for my persona. I’m asking one question and one question only: “Am I going to be the envy of all my friends coz of how thin I look?”
Well, now that we’ve established the truth on shopping for clothes, we can probably go back and be honest about the reason we drag our husbands/boyfriends out to a mall.
12 June 2017
So I think that some forms of road rage are very similar to cyber bullying. If I was a teenager in today’s era – given how I am on the roads – I suspect I would be a cyber bully.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I would never dream of honking or engaging in any potentially dangerous or threatening behavior on the roads. However, if my car had a loud speaker system and people could hear what I was saying inside the comfort of my four doors, they would no doubt feel extremely threatened.
I sit there in my car, surrounded by my protective doors and yell out “what are you doing you moron?” and “today please…yes, any time today would be good for you to inch your butt forward,” etc.
But then, perhaps when I’m parking and I see these very same morons, I’m like “hey” with a little smile, or I move aside for them to push their stroller past me or I let them take the last supermarket trolley.
Well, maybe not that last thing. Coz if they did the only way I’d be able to handle it would be to snarl internally.
Like I said, cyber bullying.
So I think that some forms of road rage are very similar to cyber bullying. If I was a teenager in today’s era – given how I am on the roads – I suspect I would be a cyber bully.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I would never dream of honking or engaging in any potentially dangerous or threatening behavior on the roads. However, if my car had a loud speaker system and people could hear what I was saying inside the comfort of my four doors, they would no doubt feel extremely threatened.
I sit there in my car, surrounded by my protective doors and yell out “what are you doing you moron?” and “today please…yes, any time today would be good for you to inch your butt forward,” etc.
But then, perhaps when I’m parking and I see these very same morons, I’m like “hey” with a little smile, or I move aside for them to push their stroller past me or I let them take the last supermarket trolley.
Well, maybe not that last thing. Coz if they did the only way I’d be able to handle it would be to snarl internally.
Like I said, cyber bullying.
5 June 2017
There are many things that shock in my life. It’s quite surprising really since I see myself as somewhat savvy (if not that then at least, sassy) but alas I’m often left with a gaping mouth. I’ll give you an example. A couple gets divorced. Most people are kinda muttering something to themselves along the lines of “hmmm well it was pretty obvious…he was probably dipping his pen in a different inkwell,” etc. Me? I’m like “No, I thought they were forever. They always looked so cute together. They even had the same shoe size.” So yeah I get blown away a lot.
But I think this issue MOST people are left surprised. And that is: “airport baggage reclaim.” And it’s strange really because despite how important it is (it even has its own Wikipedia page) the people responsible for it, don’t seem to think so.
Having said that, when I actually read the Wiki entry I saw only two titles: Overview (obviously; that is the most common one used to begin a Wikipedia entry; I should know – I’m one of those boring farts who sits and “contributes” to this online encyclopedia of fluff) and are you ready? Efficiency of baggage claim units.
Aha. Now, given this, my shock level should have been slightly diluted, as, in effect, Wikipedia have herewith warned me of the utter inefficiency of the “airport baggage reclaim” industry. But I’d never gone so far as to look at the entry on Wiki, just wonder about the industry.
Until now. Until it got too much. Until the utter absurdity of how airport baggage reclaim somehow manages to f***k up every.single.time. Now listen…people make mistakes. CEOs mess up. Vice Presidents have to suck it up and apologize when they’ve erred and Managers display inefficiency at times. Okay. I get it. We’re human. But pray, please do tell me this: what is the percentage of time baggage reclaim units actually GET IT RIGHT? How many times do you come home MINUS your baggage? Or get to the hotel WITH JUST A PAIR OF KNICKERS AND AN EMERGENCY TOOTHBRUSH?
Indeed, between you and your peers, can you count how many times you’ve land in Rome and ask where the cheapest place is to buy a cheap black eyeliner and a 32D bra (a size unfortunately that is only apparently manufactured for ‘boutique’ shops, but again I apologize for the digression). I mean C’MON ALREADY….seriously?
I am thus left completely shocked. Airport baggage reclaim units, you have ONE job. You don’t have to do filing. You don’t have to stuff envelopes. No one is asking you to get more clients. You don’t even have to do the bookkeeping. No one is expecting you to create a fancy graphic for the firm. So really WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING? This is the ONE job you’ve been (hopefully) trained for. It’s ONE JOB….
I have one thing and one thing left to say. And it’s from my old trusted buddy, NIKE. JUST.DO.IT!!!!!
There are many things that shock in my life. It’s quite surprising really since I see myself as somewhat savvy (if not that then at least, sassy) but alas I’m often left with a gaping mouth. I’ll give you an example. A couple gets divorced. Most people are kinda muttering something to themselves along the lines of “hmmm well it was pretty obvious…he was probably dipping his pen in a different inkwell,” etc. Me? I’m like “No, I thought they were forever. They always looked so cute together. They even had the same shoe size.” So yeah I get blown away a lot.
But I think this issue MOST people are left surprised. And that is: “airport baggage reclaim.” And it’s strange really because despite how important it is (it even has its own Wikipedia page) the people responsible for it, don’t seem to think so.
Having said that, when I actually read the Wiki entry I saw only two titles: Overview (obviously; that is the most common one used to begin a Wikipedia entry; I should know – I’m one of those boring farts who sits and “contributes” to this online encyclopedia of fluff) and are you ready? Efficiency of baggage claim units.
Aha. Now, given this, my shock level should have been slightly diluted, as, in effect, Wikipedia have herewith warned me of the utter inefficiency of the “airport baggage reclaim” industry. But I’d never gone so far as to look at the entry on Wiki, just wonder about the industry.
Until now. Until it got too much. Until the utter absurdity of how airport baggage reclaim somehow manages to f***k up every.single.time. Now listen…people make mistakes. CEOs mess up. Vice Presidents have to suck it up and apologize when they’ve erred and Managers display inefficiency at times. Okay. I get it. We’re human. But pray, please do tell me this: what is the percentage of time baggage reclaim units actually GET IT RIGHT? How many times do you come home MINUS your baggage? Or get to the hotel WITH JUST A PAIR OF KNICKERS AND AN EMERGENCY TOOTHBRUSH?
Indeed, between you and your peers, can you count how many times you’ve land in Rome and ask where the cheapest place is to buy a cheap black eyeliner and a 32D bra (a size unfortunately that is only apparently manufactured for ‘boutique’ shops, but again I apologize for the digression). I mean C’MON ALREADY….seriously?
I am thus left completely shocked. Airport baggage reclaim units, you have ONE job. You don’t have to do filing. You don’t have to stuff envelopes. No one is asking you to get more clients. You don’t even have to do the bookkeeping. No one is expecting you to create a fancy graphic for the firm. So really WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING? This is the ONE job you’ve been (hopefully) trained for. It’s ONE JOB….
I have one thing and one thing left to say. And it’s from my old trusted buddy, NIKE. JUST.DO.IT!!!!!
30 May 2017
So I came across something fascinating this morning in the supermarket. After pretending that I was intending to purchase lots of vegetables whose names I can’t pronounce like kohlrabi (I think I had an eyeliner manufactured by that company once?) I was browsing the cookie aisle and I found these: Chocolate Chip Cookies – Even the Kids Will Love ‘Em.
Now, despite the fact that I have two of them (kids – not cookies – that is) I know next-to-nothing about the inner working minds of a child. I don’t know what they think; why they think; if they think or even how they manage to get dressed in the morning when all too often the shirt starts on their legs and the trousers on their head. Even though I love them.
The very tiny, miniscule information I have gleaned from a) apparently being a kid at some point in my life and b) “mothering” – a term I use lightly – these offspring they call children is this: kids like junk food.
In fact, might I suggest that while there are humongous challenges for us as parents the one issue that has not to date – possibly anywhere in the western world – proved problematic is getting the kids to eat chocolate chip cookies.
And that furthermore, I myself have never come across a chocolate chip cookie that isn’t screaming ‘Eat Me,’ the one and only lesson the smaller people living in my house have so far managed to internalize.
I thus put out there to you oh dear marketing people for food companies, you don’t have to push the cookies. It’s a done deal. We’ve run out…we’re going to get more (especially if the kids are with us on the weekly shop and we’ve forgotten to bring our valium with us).
Instead – Mr. Meat Manufacturer-with-the-bits-in-it – can you perchance, please, pretty please – make something that Even the Kids Will Love?
Signed, Yours in Appreciation
Apparently-a-Mother
So I came across something fascinating this morning in the supermarket. After pretending that I was intending to purchase lots of vegetables whose names I can’t pronounce like kohlrabi (I think I had an eyeliner manufactured by that company once?) I was browsing the cookie aisle and I found these: Chocolate Chip Cookies – Even the Kids Will Love ‘Em.
Now, despite the fact that I have two of them (kids – not cookies – that is) I know next-to-nothing about the inner working minds of a child. I don’t know what they think; why they think; if they think or even how they manage to get dressed in the morning when all too often the shirt starts on their legs and the trousers on their head. Even though I love them.
The very tiny, miniscule information I have gleaned from a) apparently being a kid at some point in my life and b) “mothering” – a term I use lightly – these offspring they call children is this: kids like junk food.
In fact, might I suggest that while there are humongous challenges for us as parents the one issue that has not to date – possibly anywhere in the western world – proved problematic is getting the kids to eat chocolate chip cookies.
And that furthermore, I myself have never come across a chocolate chip cookie that isn’t screaming ‘Eat Me,’ the one and only lesson the smaller people living in my house have so far managed to internalize.
I thus put out there to you oh dear marketing people for food companies, you don’t have to push the cookies. It’s a done deal. We’ve run out…we’re going to get more (especially if the kids are with us on the weekly shop and we’ve forgotten to bring our valium with us).
Instead – Mr. Meat Manufacturer-with-the-bits-in-it – can you perchance, please, pretty please – make something that Even the Kids Will Love?
Signed, Yours in Appreciation
Apparently-a-Mother